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I even thought about it, like you think about things that you know you simply cant do. I knew you wanted me. But you never made a move because you knew too that I couldn’t and that it would have hurt us both too much.’ She was right. ‘I knew you’d always be my closest friend because you love me and I love you. But we both knew it could never be physical. We never needed to say it, we knew.’ I nodded slowly. ‘I’m so sorry.’ ‘You don’t need to be.’ She stood up. ‘Have another cigarette and come back when you’re ready, OK?’ She leaned down to look closely into my eyes and I nodded again. ‘Silly cow.’ I smiled a wan smile to myself as she walked away. I had never had a lover since University. I had always hoped, always half expected that Jess would claim me. I knew at the same time that she never would but nobody came close, nobody else mattered in that way. Oh, of course I had had people to share my bed, to fuck, but that’s all it was. They always disappointed, always fell short. Only. "He went up to his room to unpack."Now," said Frances, "what can I do to help? It'll be rather fun to do some cooking again for once. I'm not allowed in my own kitchen." Well, if you can really bear it, some spud bashing would help." Of course. You know, Elspeth dear, Anthony and I count ourselves so lucky to have Mark as his ADC. So does Little Miss but that goes without saying. I shudder to think what would have happened last night if it hadn't been for him. He dealt with it with no fuss at all. I was the only one at our table who knew about it and that was because he came and told me. You should be very proud of him."Elspeth smiled. "I am," she said, "and I imagine David will be when Anthony's told him." Serena did a great job too. She's a sweet girl and so lovely too. She really made us laugh at breakfast this morning." She told of Selena's remark about the dingle dangles which made Elspeth laugh too."She and Mark are clearly very close too," Frances rattled on."They are indeed,".
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